


Unboxing His Burden

by MutantRiot



Category: X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Broken Erik, Childhood Trauma, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-18
Updated: 2017-09-18
Packaged: 2018-12-31 03:05:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12123150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MutantRiot/pseuds/MutantRiot
Summary: Erik has never been one to open up. But when he sees the same marks on another boy's wrist, he realises he may not be as alone as he believes.





	Unboxing His Burden

**Author's Note:**

> AN: The trigger Warning for graphic violence is self harm. Please be careful and know your limits before reading this please.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, that was too hard, shit," Erik cursed as blood bubbled up from the deep cut on his thigh. He felt panic rushing over him as he searched for the medical tape in his desk drawer. 

This wasn't the first time Erik had cut a little deeper than he'd anticipated. He was working on controlling his powers when he self harmed with metal, but they often kicked in unexpectedly when he let the rage take over. 

Pushing the two sides together, Erik taped the wound shut and fell back on his bed with a deep sigh. He was alive, and for a moment, he was grateful. He always wondered why his suicidal ideas went away after a deep cut, but then he remembered the lengthy explanation involving dopamine and nerves... 

***** 

"Goddamn it..." Charles whispered into the pillow he was clutching. The room was spinning, and he couldn't open his eyes. His heart was beating through his veins, and he felt the cyclone of fear and dread whipping up his insides. 

Images of Kurt flashed into the darkness behind his lids. His voice filled it, the screaming and abuse.  
"Why can't you ever be normal?"  
"Faggot!"  
"Mutant freak."  
"I bet your mother wishes you had died instead of your dad."   
"Fuck, even Raven's better than you. And she's a fucking monster."   
"You'll never make me proud." 

"Shut up, shut up, shut up!" He screamed at the voice, burrowing himself deeper into the pillow. 

His mother's voice cut through the chaos, her shrill shriek calling him to dinner.   
"I can't do this anymore," he cried into the pillow before lifting his head and replying, "Be right there, mum." 

Quickly fishing out his pocketknife from his bag, he snapped open the blade and drug it across his arm a few times. The thin lines soon dripped blood, the tracks sliding down his already scarred skin. Breathing a sigh of relief, he pulled down his sweater sleeve, and made sure none of the crimson life had soaked through. Quite sure he was safe, he closed the knife and slipped it into his pocket. Like nothing has ever happened...

*****

The halls were bustling with students, old and new. Erik sighed, stepping out into the chaos, pulling on his invisible mask of confidence and swagger. He had to be the stable, calm soccer captain everyone thought he was, not the guilt-ridden, anxious, self harming mess he actually was. 

As he was wrapped up in his facade, he didn't watch where he was walking. So he collided with a bespectacled, scrawny boy he didn't recognise, knocking his books to the ground.   
"Scheiße, I'm so sorry!" Erik said apologetically, kneeling to collect the boy's papers that had spilled from the books.   
"Oh, don't worry, it's alright," the other said softly, standing and accepting Erik's messy stack of papers. "Thanks for helping me."  
"Of course, it was my fault, I wasn't watching where I was going."   
"I'm Charles, by the way. I'm new, just transferred."   
"Erik Lehnsherr, pleasure to meet you."   
"Mine as well! Could I trouble you with a quick question?"   
"Um, yeah, sure."   
"Where is room 128? I have English first period, and I have no idea where it is."   
"I'm heading there myself, you can come along."   
"Gosh, thank you! I certainly appreciate it."   
"No problem, really."

Erik felt his heart pounding in his chest as he walked beside Charles down the hall. The boy was shorter than he, with wavy chocolate hair and piercing cerulean eyes. The wire frames of his glasses fit his face well, and his cheeks were tinged pink. He needed to stop staring...but it was so hard. Charles was adorable. Fuck. 

***** 

Erik's eyes darted over to Charles whenever he was sure the other's eyes were down in his book. Their English teacher had decided that since the first few students didn't know the answers to the questions he'd asked, the whole class had to reread the chapter. In his opinion, it was a waste of time. If people were gonna blow it off, they weren't gonna seriously read it with the additional pressure... 

When Erik glanced over again, he realised he wasn't the only one looking at Charles. Elise Childress also gazed interestedly at him, and Erik felt a pang of jealousy. She probably had a better chance with Charles than he did. She was a pretty girl, and Charles was probably straight...

Biting his lip, Erik glared into the pages of the novel. When he looked up, he saw the sleeve on Charles' sweater had slid up to reveal a red patch of cuts on his arm. Hoping no one had seen, he reached over and carefully pulled down the other boy's sleeve. Charles looked over at him with wide eyes. He scribbled something on a piece of paper and slid it onto Erik's desk. 

/Did you see them?/ the note read. Erik took his pencil and wrote back.   
/Yes, but it's okay. I won't tell./  
/Can we talk after class?/

Erik nodded and slipped the paper into the front of his backpack and silently begged that time go faster. Most of him didn't want to tell Charles he cut too, he didn't ever want anyone to know. But for some reason, a tiny piece wanted to finally share, to feel like he wasn't alone. Decisions, decisions... 

The bell rang, and Erik quickly shoved everything into his bag and waited as the room emptied. Charles packed slowly, glancing up to make sure everyone was gone before he looked up at Erik with fearful eyes. 

"Do you have a class next period?" Erik asked as the two walked into the now dispersing hall.   
"No, I was planning on going to the library. We could maybe go to a study room to, you know, discuss things..."   
"That works with me."

Erik followed Charles down the stairs to the library, where they quickly ducked into the first open study office. Charles shut the door and sunk into one of the armchairs, his head in his hands. Erik felt very anxious but tried to hide it. He probably looked really awkward standing, so he decided to sit, looking at Charles, who was bright red and seemed even more nervous than Erik himself.   
"Thank you," Charles said, lifting his head from his hands. "I didn't even notice they were showing. You really saved me. If my mother and stepfather found out, I would get the living daylight beaten out of me again..."   
"They'd punish you for hurting yourself?" Erik asked perplexed.   
"Yeah," the other boy sighed. "My stepfather doesn't like me very much. He thinks I should just get over 'whatever's bothering me like a real man' and stop crying so much. He's such a, well, you know, dick. But he's the reason I have these problems. Ever since I was little, after my real father died, he's been...well, quite a-abusive..." Charles' voice broke as he stuttered. "Well, it's probably my fault. I should be a better son..."  
"You lost your dad too?"   
"Yeah, I was about 5."   
"I lost mine when I was 12, both mum and dad in an auto accident. I live with my aunt now."   
"Oh god, I'm so sorry," Charles blanched, looking into Erik's eyes that suddenly began to water.   
"I cut too." The words were out of Erik's mouth before he knew they had been said.   
"No way."   
"Yeah... Life isn't as easy as it seems."   
"Damn straight," Charles chuckled, wiping his eyes.   
"I promise I won't tell anyone, Charles," Erik said. "Our self harming will be our secret, okay?"   
"Alright, thank you so much, dear friend."   
"W-would you wanna maybe get coffee or something? It'd be really nice to have someone who understands what I'm dealing with..." Erik had never been this upfront with his feelings, and frankly, he was surprising himself. It was liberating but terrifying.   
"I'd love that!" 

*****Six Months Later*****

The room was dark around Erik, shadows formed a menacing circle surrounding him. Every time he shut his eyes, he just knew someone was about to reach out and grab him, steal him away, and torture him again. He felt the waves of panic crash over him as the memories of Shaw whipped through his mind. If only he'd have tried harder, been stronger, he could have escaped! He could have avoided the pain if he'd been able to control himself. It was his fault, it all was. He was a mutant freak, a pathetic awful monster that deserved to die. Charles would never love such a disgusting failure like him. The last six months had just been an act, a clever plot to get Erik vulnerable! He rolled over and switched on his light, banishing all the devils that encircled his bed - for now. But the shadows continued to darken in his head. 

Erik summoned his knife to him and brought the blade to his wrist. He was going to end this. Tonight, he was done with the memories and the trauma and the pain. Quickly saying goodbye to his room, Erik squeezed his eyes shut and quickly slashed his wrist. Blood began to flow freely from the gash, staining the bedclothes and splattering on the floor. Laying backwards and feeling the liquid rush down his hand, Erik felt himself letting go. But then a voice shouted his name from inside his head. His vision was getting blurry, and his head started to spin, he couldn't focus on the voice. It faded as his room turned black, and then everything was silent. 

*****

"Erik?" Someone was calling his name. "Erik, please wake up. I need to talk to you." He couldn't see, everything was dark and shifting. But the voice just got louder, more desperate. "Please, please, I need you to wake up now." Erik felt a warmth around his head, and when he finally forced his eyes open, he saw a pair of unforgettable blue eyes staring at him.   
"C-Charles...?" He asked, confused. "Where am I?"   
"In the hospital, thank heavens," Charles said as Erik's eyes were finally able to see all of him. He looked like he'd hurriedly dressed; his shirt was half undone and his shoes didn't match.   
"Goddamn it..." Erik breathed, feeling his eyes fill with tears.   
"Erik, I'm so sorry. I couldn't just let you die."   
"What do you mean?"   
"I, well, may have been in your head right after you decided to kill yourself..."   
"What the hell are you talking about Charles?" Erik groaned, as his head pounded.  
"I'm a mutant," he said. "I can read minds."   
"Really?" Erik's eyes widened.   
"Yes. I was worried since I hadn't heard from you, so I looked into your mind as you were about to attempt. I had to do something, so I called your aunt, and she got you to the hospital just in time." 

Erik sighed heavily, his heart sinking in his chest. He had just wanted to die... Now he was still alive and had to deal with the demons again.   
"Charles..."   
"Yes?"   
"I'm sorry I did this to you... I know that I promised I'd text you if I was in a bad place. But I just couldn't bring myself to do it..."  
"Oh Erik, it's alright. I'm just so happy you're alive."   
"I'm sorry I'm not..."   
"Hush, hush. It's alright, I promise. Part of the reason I needed you to wake up is selfish, I'm afraid. I need to say this, and if you never want to speak to me again, I understand."   
"What is it?" Erik's heart was pounding. What if Charles was with Elise? Erik had complained so much about her...   
"Well, Erik, I-I never thought I'd get to say this, but our time is just too short for facades. I think I'm in love you... I'm sorry..." 

Erik was silent for a moment, and he gazed into Charles' watery crystal blue eyes. He felt the telepath's anxiety radiating around him, he could almost see it - it was so strong.   
"Come here, Charles," Erik motioned from his friend to come closer. He obliged, and Erik tried to keep the most stoic face he could. "I've got a secret for you too. I think I'm in love with you too." With that, he pulled Charles onto his lap and into a kiss. The energy quickly changed from anxiety to pure joy. Erik felt the same warmth he'd experienced as he woke up, only around his whole body. Charles' voice (he recognised it now) echoed in his head,  
"I love you, I love you, I love you!"

**Author's Note:**

> AN: Of course, love doesn't fix all of their issues, but knowing that they have each other will bring comfort and support.


End file.
